jeansinjeans

I lied in my last post. This will be my last post as a teenager. womp womp.

DOES LIFE END HERE?

A few weeks ago I accepted the fact that once I turn twenty, my life is over. I must hand myself over to capitalism, lose any attachment I had to the world, put my grey sunglasses on, & hope that I am able to climb the corporate ladder well enough that I can give my life savings away to charity, only to have the my life memorized in a brick with my name engraved on it.

But I realized my reluctance & resistance towards turning twenty, formally ending my teenage years, was a similar feeling I had to when I was applying to & getting ready to move to college. I simply cannot stop it. So in the following weeks, up to the present day, I have been hyping up my twenties. I now get to say “oh yeah I am in my twenties” & get to pretend that my version of Friends is soon to begin (though I never actually watched the show). I learned that my resistance to the enviable, while valid, was useless.

I don’t like the idea that I am getting older. But I love the fact that I am growing. I still feel 17 & have to remind myself that I am no longer the age of every great teenage pop song. I listened to ribs today in the shower. Every year that song hits I swear.

I look back on my teenage years very fondly. I had great friends, many of which who are still in my life today, but also many who were really great friends at a time when I need really great friends just like them. I am grateful for the physical health I had through my teenage years & the countless opportunities I had. I am so grateful for the support systems I had in every place, from my family to school to extracurriculars & swim; every adult had wanted to help me. I am extraordinarily grateful for the safe & rich environment I had, with the education & friends I had. I am grateful for the hard times & the periods that made me into me.

There was dark and light throughout my teenage years but even in the dark I had places I found warmth & light & kindness & love. I would not be where I am or the person I am without everyone I have met, everyone who believed in me, & every person who loved me.

I am so excited to go into this new decade (the roaring twenties if we are thinking in terms of 1900’s historical time periods) & to see what is to come!

I hope my life doesn’t end after being a teenager.

Even if I am no longer a teen, I think, I hope a part of me always will be.

I’ll let you know in 1 hour & 42 minutes if my life ended (or just begun!)

– a scared, excited, grateful, loved nineteen year old